I remember
by JuliaDarkness
Summary: Chris doesn't cope well when he starts dreaming of another timeline. But his family is there for him, whether he wants them to be or not.


**Author's note: TRIGGER WARNINGS- mentions self-harm, but not graphic.**

 **This is my first Charmed Fanfic. I know this idea has been used many times before, but I just thought why not give my own spin on it. Hope you like it.**

The Underworld was really dark and really scary. Especially when you were 12. And especially when you thought no one's coming for you.

Chris huddled in a corner of the cage. The warlocks who caught him left to go enact their evil plan. Whatever that was. Chris squeezed his eyes tight and brushed his fingertips against the cut on his arm. He wouldn't cry here. Not now.

 _His dad was sitting across from him at the breakfast table. Chris had told him about the dreams he'd been having recently. Dreams of his mom dying. Dreams of his brother attacking people. Dreams of his family hating him. And even weirder, dreams where he was older but his parents were younger somehow. And they were yelling at him. Dad had this weird look on his face. He wasn't surprised, exactly. More like freaked._

" _They're just dreams, Chris. Dreams can't hurt you." It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself._

 _Mom came over and set pancakes down on the table. Melinda ran down the stairs saying it was snowing outside. And that was the end of that._

It wasn't until last week when Chris overheard his parents talking, and he realized that dreams can indeed hurt very, very much.

* * *

In the attic, Paige placed the last crystal in the circle. Piper cut her thumb with an athame and a drop of blood dripped into her cauldron. Phoebe held out her hands. They joined together and in unison they chanted.

" _Power of the witches rise_

 _Course unseen through the skies_

 _Blood to blood we summon thee_

 _Blood to blood return to we_

 _Chris Halliwell."_

The three sisters waited. Piper held her breathe, begging any god listening for white lights to appear. But nothing happened. Piper dropped her sister's hand.

"We tried scrying, summoning, screaming!" She stomped over to the book. "What's next?"

Paige walked over as Piper began furiously flipping through page after page. "It'll be okay Piper. We'll find him."

"And then what? My son spends the rest of his life haunted by memories of things that didn't even happen?!" She threw her hands in the air. "Look what it's already done."

She kept seeing her little boy's face.

" _Wyatt, go get your brother for dinner."_

" _Okay Mom."_

 _Piper was setting the table. It was a typical Friday night. Upstairs she heard the sound of knocking. Then orbing. Then screaming._

" _Mom! Dad!" Thinking there was a demon, Piper ran upstairs. The door was ajar. Inside Chris was trying to yank his arm away from Wyatt. A dark red line stained Chris' sleeve. A pair of scissors lay on the bed._

" _Mom," Wyatt cried out. "Mom, look."_

 _God, how she didn't want to look._

 _Leo ran into the room. "What's going . . .?" He stopped, stood as frozen as his wife._

" _Chris, sweetie. Did you-did you do this?" Piper stepped forward and took her son's hand in hers. Chris glared at her._

" _Stop pretending you care about me. I remember, Mom." He grabbed his arms away and turned to his father._

" _I remember." He orbed away before anyone could react._

All she wanted was for her kids to safe and warm and loved. And now Chris was God knows where, kidnapped by demons or criminals or freezing to death somewhere in the cold, if he wasn't . . . oh god. Piper was going to find her baby boy and hold him and never let go.

"We could block his memories." Phoebe bent down to clear away the crystals. But that could be considered personal gain.

"Let's just try to find him first," Paige said.

The door swung open and Leo ran into the room. "One of my students got a tip. They know where Chris is."

"Where?" Piper gripped the stand.

"In the Underworld. Lower level warlocks have him."

"Oh God."

"They're not going to hurt him, Piper. They're going to use him."

"For what," Phoebe asked.

"Doesn't matter, they'll vanquished before they can do anything." Piper snatched up herbs. She and Paige cut them up and mixed them in a silver chalice.

"Leo, watch the kids." Piper carefully poured potion into three vials. Leo didn't move.

"I called Coop to do it. I'm going with you."

Piper looked up at her husband. "What?"

"He's my son too Piper."

"You don't have any powers."

"I'm part of the reason our son's in danger in the first place. He needs to know I'm here for him this time." He put up a hand to silence Piper before she could object.

"He needs to know we love him."

* * *

The taller warlock stood in front of the cage with his arm extended. A dark cloud of smoke enveloped the air around his fist.

Chris watched with silent horror as the smoke blew into his cage until everything went black.

" _Feel the power of evil's might_

 _Let the darkness overcome the light._

 _Arise anew with powers great_

 _Fueled by vengeance and righteous hate."_

* * *

"Careful," Phoebe said as they turned the corner of the cave. "We don't know exactly what we're dealing with."

Leo didn't care. He would face the Source himself at that moment. All he could do was see his son dying in his arms. His son needed him.

The cave looked empty, but looks were deceiving. Piper, Paige and Phoebe had their vials at the ready.

"Looking for something?"

A shimmer, and then there they were. There were the two warlocks, just like the student said. Not too hard to handle. And between them his son was alive and scowling at them.

"Chris thank god!" Leo tried to run over as his wife threw a potion at one of the warlocks. The warlock ducked. Then with a flick of Chris' wrist Leo flew straight into a cave wall.

"Leave. Me. Alone."

Leo slumped against the cave wall. He could barely hear the others fighting the warlocks over the pounding in his head. Did Chris remember fighting him in the past?

"Chris," Piper yelled as he tried to get up. "Chris, peanut, come over here sweetie. Let us help you."

"No! You threw me out! You hate me!" He threw his hand up and a large rock was thrown at his mother's head. Paige orbed them away just in time. Leo's heart broke to see his wife's face. Their baby boy was attacking them.

The warlocks must have done something to him, cast a spell or a potion. With the Power of Three it would be no problem to reverse it, but they would have to stop Chris from hurting them or himself in the meantime. Easier said than done, because Chris threw another rock, this time at him. Leo ducked and hit the ground again.

A warlock knocked Phoebe out with a kick to the head. Paige orbed over to her while Piper tried to take her son by the wrists.

"Chris, please baby it's me. It's Mom."

"No!" Chris freed one hand and telekinetically pushed her away from him. She looked at Leo. He knew that she was thinking what terrible parents they must be.

"Potion!" Paige orbed the vial at the warlock. A loud, agonizing scream echoed through the cave as he burst into flames. The other one shimmered away in a strategic retreat.

All that was left was Chris. Leo gripped the cave wall and pulled himself up. He winced as the pain set in. No time to worry about it, though.

"Hey Buddy, it's okay." He limped over to his son.

"No it's not!" Chris' voice cracked like he was about to cry. He curled his hands into fists. "You left me. You love Wyatt more than me. You, you-" His voice broke in a sob.

"No I don't Chris. I love you. I gave up my powers to stay with you. And this time around, I'm not going to lose you."

Leo lunged at Chris and wrapped his arms around him, restraining him. One hand covered Chris' mouth so he couldn't say any spells. Chris bit down on his hand so hard it bled.

"Piper, quick!"

Piper took her sisters' hands and came up with a rhythm on the spot.

 _Let evil fade and good replace_

 _Bring our child back to grace_

Chris stopped struggling for a second. Then he fought against his father's hold even more. He screamed some unintelligible and Leo could feel tears slipping down his son's face.

"Get him back to the manor. Now!"

* * *

Two days later, Chris was lying on a twin bed staring up at the blank dorm room walls. Besides the bed there was a small dresser and bathroom and his overnight bag sitting on the floor. His parents bound his powers to keep him from orbing anywhere and stuck him at Magic School so he'd be safe from demons. Like they cared. Mom and the aunts were making a spell to erase the memories of his other timeline. And then they were going to send him to a psychologist who was a witch. He had no say in anything.

Someone knocked on the door. It wasn't allowed to be locked, so his dad stepped inside with a plastic bag.

"Hey Buddy, it's around lunch time and I thought you'd be hungry. I went to Subway."

Usually he would be happy to skip school and hang out with his dad. But now he pulled the covers over his head and didn't say anything, just like he did yesterday. But unlike yesterday, when his dad just put the food down and left, today he heard Dad sit at the edge of the bed and felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Talk to me Chris, please." He sounded so sad, so heartbroken. But Chris didn't know if he could believe him.

"All right, I'll talk then. We know that you feel upset, as you have every right to be."

No duh they knew, Aunt Phoebe was an empath. That was cheating.

"And that you feel like Wyatt is the favorite. But he's isn't. We love you Chris. We all love you so much." He stroked his blanket covered head. "I remember holding you in my arms when you were a baby, how beautiful you were. I've been so lucky to watch you grow up. Chris, I'm so _proud_ of you."

Chris felt tears burn in his eyes. He wanted so much to believe him. But at this point he didn't know what to believe. Did his dad really love him or did he just feel guilty? What about all those times everyone ignored him and he chalked it up to middle child syndrome?

* * *

Piper flipped through the Book of Shadows for the warlock. She wanted to take the man who kidnapped her son and vanquish him three times over. As she searched the book she came across the time travel spell. Piper wondered if her son remembered using it.

Piper turned the page. She had to go back to work, then finish the memory spell and fix dinner while trying to figure out how to explain to Melinda why her brother wasn't back yet. Her daughter kept asking to visit Chris, and Piper didn't know how to tell her why she couldn't. Wyatt meanwhile was holed up in his room. Yesterday she saw him hugging his old teddy bear. He hadn't done that since he was 10.

She shut the book. Vanquishing the warlock wouldn't fix everything. But it was a start.

* * *

He was in the middle of eating his sandwich when Aunt Phoebe walked in with a bright smile on her face.

"Hey sweetie."

Chris still couldn't orb so he pulled the covers over his head again. But unlike Dad Aunt Phoebe tried pulling the covers off. Chris grabbed the edges and held them down. So then Aunt Phoebe pulled back the covers around his feet and tickled them. Chris shrieked and threw off the covers in defeat.

"What?" He already knew Aunt Phoebe liked Wyatt more. These memories just proved it.

Aunt Phoebe ignored his sullen look. "Come on, get up." She pulled him by the arm and almost yanked him off the bed. With a groan Chris stood up and followed his aunt out of the room.

"Is the spell ready?" They made their way down the hall where Aunt Paige was talking to a professor.

"Nope, not yet. Your aunts are here to take you to the harbor."

"What?" He loved the harbor, with all the ships coming in from all those places he wasn't allowed to orb to yet. But why were his aunts taking him there now?

"Yup. Come on." She grabbed his hand before he could protest and pulled him over to Aunt Paige, who was finished talking. Aunt Paige ruffled his hair.

"Hey sweetie, how you doing?"

"We're going to the harbor?"

"Would you like that?"

"But I don't have my powers. What if a demon attacks?"

Aunt Phoebe smiled. "You don't need your powers, honey. If a demon attacked we would take care of it."

Chris yanked his hand away. "I don't need your protection. I can take care of myself."

"You're 12," Aunt Paige said.

Chris tried to think of a retort to that, but both of his aunts took his hands and orbed away before he could say anything.

* * *

Wyatt Halliwell knew what evil looked like. He'd seen demons growing up, knew what they were capable of. So how on Earth could he become evil?

Mom had tried to explain it. In some other time line he was kidnapped and almost killed by an Elder (an Elder?!) as a baby and that traumatized him so much he lost his way. So Chris went back in time to stop it from happening, only he wouldn't say he was their son so they thought he might be there to hurt Wyatt and didn't trust him (that made sense-Chris always had a hard time talking and his parents always had a hard time not being paranoid). Eventually they found out who Chris was and who wanted to hurt Wyatt. They stopped the Elder, but Chris died in Dad's arms right before he was born (which made no sense, but whatever). Dad had a breakdown (Wyatt was having a breakdown just trying to understand this) and Mom wouldn't let Chris leave the house for months. It explained why his family was so protective of his little brother.

He threw his homework aside. Yesterday everyone at school asked where his brother was, and he had to say he was sick. He collected notes from his brother's friends. Chris skipped a grade and took GT classes. Just looking at the math worksheet a guy gave him made Wyatt squint.

Wyatt hadn't seen Chris since the-the thing. Mom and Dad said not until after they had the spell. But he had to talk to him, and giving missed assignments seemed like a good excuse.

The only problem was, what could he possibly say?

* * *

Nothing was quite like a sunset over the Pacific. The golden light on the darkening sea, the ocean breeze whipping around him. It was especially nice looking out from the top deck of a ferry. Chris didn't even mind that Aunt Phoebe had her arm around his shoulder and Aunt Paige was holding his hand. In fact Chris wasn't going to admit it anytime soon, but having all this attention was nice. He couldn't remember the last time he got two aunts to himself. The other timeline didn't count.

Aunt Paige excused herself to go to the ladies' room. Aunt Phoebe and Chris stood there watching the ocean in silence.

"I wish I had a camera," he said finally. It was the first time he had spoken all day without prodding from someone. It was so peaceful there that it just slipped out.

"Your Aunt Prue was a photographer you know."

Aunt Prue. The Superwitch. The oldest sister everyone looked up to. Being compared to her felt like an honor.

"You know she also had problems with depression."

Chris looked at his aunt. She had this far off look on her face, like she was remembering something. Then it was gone, and she smiled at him.

"You're a lot like her, you know." She kissed the top of his head. "So much so that it's scary sometimes."

Maybe that was why Aunt Phoebe wasn't as close to him. He reminded her of her dead sister. It must have been hard.

The two of them went back to watching the sunset. Aunt Paige came back a few minutes later, and the three of them talked about going out to eat.

* * *

Wyatt was waiting in the dorm room when Chris got back. He had his hands behind his back.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"I have something for you."

"What?"

Wyatt smiled slightly. "Close your eyes."

Chris frowned. He remembered a nightmare where Wyatt killed someone for talking out against him. With all these dreams over the past few weeks, he regained some of his old distrust.

But now wasn't then. Wyatt's darting eyes were red from crying. The evil Wyatt didn't cry. Chris shut his eyes. He felt something soft be pushed gently against his chest and instinctively wrapped his arms around it. He looked down and realized that he was hugging Wyatt's old stuffed teddy bear.

"Wuvey?"

"Yeah." Wyatt grinned. "I want you to have him. For when you get sad."

Chris tossed the teddy bear on the bed. "I'm too old for stuffed animals Wyatt." He was almost 13, for God's sake.

"It's better than, you know," Wyatt whispered. He chewed on his lower lip.

Chris crossed his arms. "I don't need your pity."

" _Pity?"_

"So why don't you go home and enjoy being the favorite." Again, with no better options he got into bed and threw the covers over his head.

"I'm not the favorite. You're the favorite."

Chris peeked through the covers. "How am I the favorite?"

Wyatt pulled out papers from his jacket pocket and waved them around. "You're the smart one. You skipped a grade, you're in advanced classes and you help me with homework."

"So? You got Excalibur as a birthday gift. Magic stopped for your birth."

"Big deal. All I did was be born first. And I'm a screw up. I was the Source of all evil. You're the one who saved me and fixed everything. You died to save me and-"

"What?" Chris threw off the covers. "I died?"

"You didn't remember that part?"

"No. How did I die?" He couldn't have died. He was right there.

"The Elder who tried to kill me stabbed you cause you tried to stop him. Mom said Dad was with you and he had a mental breakdown or something and you didn't leave the house for like ever afterwards and-"

"Mental breakdown?" Chris pulled the covers off of his head.

"Yeah. That's why Dad stopped being an Elder. He joined these Avatar people who were going to destroy free will."

"Destroy-what-what the hell? Was Dad nuts? Why would he do that?"

"To protect us." Wyatt sat down on the bed. "Both of us."

Dad did all that-he fell from grace-for _him?_

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"Sorry?" Chris looked at his brother. "What for?"

"This is all my fault."

"No it's not."

"This only happened because of me."

Chris sat up. He looked at his brother for a second. Then he smacked him on the arm.

"Hey!" Wyatt rubbed his arm.

"This isn't your fault you moron. How the hell could you be blamed for being almost kidnapped?"

Wyatt tilted his head. Then he smacked Chris on the arm.

"Hey!"

"You know what that was for." Out of nowhere Wyatt suddenly pulled him into a tight hug.

"Don't ever do that again, Chris. Promise?"

Chris leaned his head on his brother's shoulder. "I promise." He didn't know right then if he meant it, but right now he just wanted his brother to stop blaming himself.

They stayed that way for a minute until they heard a knock on the door. Dad was smiling at them.

"Hey Wyatt, I think Chris needs some rest right now. It's late."

"Okay Dad." Wyatt hopped off the bed. He walked to the door and stopped. "Chris?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for saving me."

Of course he saved him. They were brothers.

* * *

Piper finished the vanquishing potion for the warlock, so she decided to make herself some tea before bed. As she waited for the water to boil she dug out the photo album in the living room.

There was Chris as a newborn in his father's arms.

The family portrait. Chris wouldn't stop squirming.

Chris' third birthday party. He had somehow gotten cake in his hair.

Melinda as a baby, the first picture of the three kids together. Wyatt and Chris were both staring at their sister.

Christmas a couple years ago. The kids threw wrapping paper at each other because they couldn't have a snowball fight.

A family vacation to Disneyland. Piper laughed as she remembered how mad the kids were that all the witches were the bad guys. Melinda wanted to sue.

Chris' elementary school graduation. He looked so small up there on that stage.

The kettle screamed. Piper set the album down and went into the kitchen.

How could Chris ever think he was unloved?

* * *

 _Chris lay on his parents' bed. The bleeding was getting worse._

" _Gideon doesn't know how to kill Wyatt, remember? We still have time," his father said. Chris never remembered seeing him this afraid, in any time line._

" _Only until the trauma turns him."_

" _Look I'm not going to choose between you and Wyatt, Chris. I can't."_

 _If he had the strength he would say how much that meant to hear. He knew his father loved him. And it only took death to discover that._

" _You don't have to, Dad," is what he said instead. "Find Gideon. You can save us both." He had to save the future. Even if all he wanted was his dad to hold his hand and tell him everything was going to be okay._

 _His father thought for a moment, then nodded. "All right, all right but I'm not leaving you alone. I'll be right back."_

" _Where are you going?'_

" _To get one of your aunts to watch over you."_

 _Chris gasped in pain. It was getting worse._

" _Look you're going to fine, okay? I promise." Dad kissed his forehead._

 _Chris knew it that wasn't true, but his father needed to believe that. . ._

Chris woke up already crying. The first thing he realized was that he somehow grabbed Wuvey in the middle of the night and was now hugging him like a 5 year old. Chris threw the toy on the floor and wiped his eyes.

He looked out the window. The morning sun shone through the window out into the lawn. It was almost time for the spell.

"Chris?"

His dad stood in the doorway, not quite entering as though he was scared Chris would somehow run off.

"It's time," Dad said softly. 'How you feeling?"

Chris climbed out of bed and for the first time in days looked his father in the eye.

"I remember. I remember how it ended. How you were there."

Dad opened his mouth, then closed it. He walked over to Chris and knelt down in front of him. Then he grabbed his son and held him so close to his chest Chris almost couldn't breathe. Dad drew sharply drew in his breathe and Chris realized he was crying. Dad never cried.

"I sorry, Chris. I'm so sorry."

"So you really didn't love Wyatt more than me?"

His dad squeezed him even more. "No, Chris, I don't. And I'm so sorry you ever thought that. I've tried so hard to make sure I would get it right this time. We all have."

"You forget sometimes." Chris pulled away to face his father. "Sometimes you all forget about me."

"Oh Chris." Dad wiped his face. "I'm sorry Buddy. But the next time you feel like we're not paying attention, talk to us okay? What you've been doing is unhealthy. It's dangerous."

"Sorry."

"It's okay." Dad hugged him again. "I'm going to help you. I'm not going anywhere, promise."

That was all Chris wanted to hear.

* * *

Paige orbed Leo and Chris to the attic. The candles were all set in a circle. Phoebe was cutting herbs with an athame. Piper went straight over and hugged her son.

"Hey sweetie."

"Hi," he said softly.

Suddenly there was a crash by the attic door. The second warlock kicked the door down. Chris flew through the air as if pulled by an invisible string and landed behind him. The warlock grabbed her son's arm.

"No!" Piper blasted him, to no effect. "Paige, the vial."

"Potion." The vial potion was orbed at the warlock. He swung his hand and the vial shattered before him. "Chris!"

"I can't orb!" Chris tried to break free, but the warlock gripped him tightly by the shoulder. Piper felt her throat constricting as her son cried out.

"You'll never see your son-"

The silver athame struck the warlock right in the chest. He let go of Chris and burst into flames. Everyone turned to look at Phoebe. She smiled.

"I told you we would protect you."

Piper and Leo rushed to their son's side. After checking him for injuries they led him back to the circle. Phoebe scattered herbs and Paige lit the candles.

 _Take away the nightmares_

 _Of a life not missed_

 _Forget that which would have been_

 _Remember only what is_

Piper watched her son's eyes droop, his legs become unsteady. Leo caught his right before he hit the ground. She rushed over to her son's side.

"I got you Chris," he said.

"Mom?"

"I'm here, baby, I'm here."

He grabbed her hand. "Don't leave, promise?"

"I promise."

"We love you Chris," Leo said as Chris drifted off to sleep. "We always have and we always will."

The two of them held their son as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"I'm still scared that they're only being nice because they think I'm crazy, you know? Like they're only paying attention to me because they don't want me to hurt myself." Chris hugged a pillow to his chest.

"And why don't they want you to hurt yourself," Dr. Johnson asked. She was a middle aged witch with curly red hair and speckled glasses. Her cat Cynthia liked to jump up on his lap during sessions. She let Chris pet her.

"Because that's their job. To protect the innocent."

"And do you think your family sees you as just another innocent?"

Chris thought about that. Over the noise of the white noise machine a he heard a door open. Dad was here to pick him up.

"No," he said at last. "I don't."

On the way home they talked about Melinda's birthday party Saturday. Chris and Wyatt had pooled their money together to buy her a toy karaoke machine. Neither one of them wanted to play with it, but they knew that their sister and cousins were going to drag them into it anyway.

It had been a month since the spell was cast. Chris didn't have any of those dreams anymore. He could barely remember them, in fact. That's not to say everything was fixed with a simple spell. It would take a while, everyone knew that. With some prodding from Dr. Johnson, Chris told his parents that he felt forgotten sometimes, the unwanted middle child. Mom started asking to help cook dinner now. He was getting really good at it. Mom said he might even inherit her restaurant someday. Dad drove him to the library every other weekend. They would sit side by side reading newspapers and the Percy Jackson series. Sometimes they went out to eat or took a walk in the park. And whenever Aunt Phoebe or Aunt Paige picked them up from school because Mom and Dad were at work, they would always make a point to ask how classes were going and who his friends were.

And the couple of times he felt sad, he hid in his room and curled up with his brother's teddy bear. Dr. Johnson was sworn to secrecy.

When they got home, Mom was boiling water for pasta. Chris got out the bowl for salad. It was almost time for dinner.

"Wash your hands before cutting the lettuce."

He smiled. "Yes Mom, I remember."


End file.
